Waves Summer 2004 Newsletter

May, 2004

W.A.V.E.S. Newsletter

Summer Edition

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What My Mother Has Meant to My Life

by Marcia Aston

My mother had a genuine love for people all of her life. She could strike up a conversation with a perfect stranger, and, more often than not, discover a connection -- a mutual friend, a fellow classmate, even a distant relative! Her embrace of humankind was total in scope. Her many friends included some of the wealthiest women in the community in which she lived, as well as several women serving jail time for murder. These women loved her as did just about everyone with whom she came into contact. I think it was because she never was into "role playing". For instance, she did not play the part of "lady bountiful" to these imprisoned souls; rather, she had a genuine concern for them and visited them regularly in prison over a number of years.

It did not occur to me at that time (back in the 1950s) that what my mother practiced was unconditional love. In fact, I desperately wanted my mother to be like other mothers, like my friends’ mothers -- to play bridge or plant flower gardens or teach Sunday school. It wasn’t until I read Embraced By the Light that I even encountered the phrase "unconditional love" and became aware of its vital importance in living a Christian life. I was not inherently blessed with the capacity to love, as was my mother. A shy and somewhat introverted child, I must have been a disappointment to her, and yet she never revealed at any time during my childhood that I was ever anything less than precious to her.

I now practice with difficulty what to my mother came so naturally. Being retired has made it somewhat easier as I have become more involved in my church and in volunteering in my community. I do feel that, in part, I have my mother to thank for it.

Mother was also a great one for attempting new experiences. She would try just about anything at least once. Coupled with this was her firm belief that one did not have to do anything perfectly. If one received pleasure from pursuing an activity, that was enough. Thus, as a college student, she would play violin solos in front of an audience, even though she was not, at that time, a particularly accomplished violinist! Later on she became reasonably proficient at composing music (with words written by a friend). Some of these compositions were later sung by various local choral groups. She learned, over the course of some years and basically on her own, how to make beeswax candles, how to create and weave designs on a loom, how to sew for five daughters, and how to fill dozens of Mason jars every year with the produce of my father’s enormous garden!

Trying something new and different was never a strong suit of mine. I do feel that I have made significant strides in learning how to do something different “just for the heck of it." I have sometimes botched a project, but the total end results have generally given me increased confidence in my own abilities.

Along with trying anything new, Mother’s eternal optimism led her to undertake a new career at an age when most women are ready to retire. In her sixties, my mother decided to fulfill a lifelong dream, that of becoming a licensed practical nurse. She had previously been a teacher in the public schools but gave that up after her marriage, becoming mother to six children in less than 11 years. After we had all grown up and left home, Mother turned her dream into a reality and enrolled in a nursing course. Her motivation and drive earned her top grades, despite the fact that she was at least 40 years older than most of her classmates. Subsequently, she became a nurse at a local retirement community for a number of years, driving to work under adverse conditions and putting up with the physical and emotional problems of her patients with cheerfulness and fortitude.

I, too, went back to school for several years when my children were grown, and this led me to a rewarding position as a librarian in a local hospital for over 12 years. I really feel that a lot of my own determination and will to succeed was inspired by my mother.

Mother was not a "plaster saint" but a very complex person whose will sometimes clashed with mine, although not very often, as she was far more forceful than I at getting her point across. She said what she thought and sometimes did not stop to count to ten before taking action! With such a large family to raise, this was bound to cause friction from time to time. I can remember running out of the house and around the block when Mother started yelling just to get away from the scene of the action. She never punished any of us unjustly, however, and rarely did she resort to spanking once we had reached what she called "the age of reason." I took her as my role model in raising my own three youngsters, but I was never as good at getting my point across as she was!

Mother passed away some years ago, but I continue to try to follow the example she set me in practicing unconditional love and in experiencing life to the fullest for as long as possible.

© 2004 Marcia Aston