Waves Summer 2004 Newsletter

May, 2004

W.A.V.E.S. Newsletter

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What My Mom Means to Me

by Amanda Titus

Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return thither: the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD. -- Job 1:21

My Mom means so many different things to me and plays so many different roles in my life. I could probably write a book rather than just an article on how the dynamic of our relationship has changed over the years. Our bond has been quite an emotional roller coaster, and my feelings have soared from extreme highs to pummeling lows. I’ve told many of you how I think of the people in my life as spices and how each person I encounter brings a different variety or flavor to my journey. For me, my Mom is many spices, and in many ways she adds all that is bitter, sweet, sour, and spicy to my days. She has served as a teacher, a provider, a lesson of love, and a lesson of pain. I love my Mom beyond any amount of love that I knew could come from one heart, and this is my small story of how that love has grown over the years.

In my younger days, I made many mistakes, rebelled against most of my Mom’s advice and/or suggestions, and caused our relationship to be one of the biggest challenges either of us would face. We were created with many similar characteristics, and this has proven to be the test of the century. We are both very strong and opinionated women who both usually think they are right. But there are also many aspects in life where we differ and because we always feel we are in the right, each, of course, feels the other is wrong.

My Mom has her faults, and many know from my prayer requests and points of discussion what I feel these weaknesses are, but over the years I have learned to love my Mom unconditionally regardless of what I feel are her poor choices. I have a deep concern in my heart for my Mom, and some of her lifestyle choices concern me; they cause me great pain and agony which I’ve yet to let go of. At times I allow these feelings to overwhelm me and to cause my love to be shadowed with darkness. My Mom possesses so many beautiful qualities that when they are overrun with her faults I become angry and feel she is hiding that beauty I find so grand.

I have gone through several ups and downs throughout my life, and the one person I always had to rely on was my Mom. Although through my teen years I put our relationship to the test and usually rebelled against her wishes, we still had a love for one another that was stronger than most mother-daughter relationships I had seen with others. She never missed a softball game, she comforted my broken heart through teenage heartbreak, and she taught me to always stand up for what I believe in. She allowed me to be myself. She didn’t always like the choices I made, and, trust me, I would hear all about it frequently, but regardless of my mistakes or errors in judgment she always would confirm how much she loved me.

My Mom is a nurse and I’ve watched her at work; she has a gentle, loving way about her. It is a side of her that at times only her patients see. Although often when she gets home she’ll complain about this and that in regards to work, I’ve seen her at work and it’s almost an angelic experience. My Mom gave up her dream of being a nurse the first time she attempted school, as I was born with a congenital heart defect that required additional time and care. My Mom put that dream on hold as she endured the journey my open-heart surgeries led her on. Later in life, while I was in high school, she returned to nursing school and not only became a nurse but taught me that it’s never too late to follow your dreams. I always admired her dedication and devotion to her schoolwork; she graduated with honors, which made me so proud of her. I was a bratty teenager at the time and never did get to express my pride in her accomplishments and my love for her, but I always hoped that she knew how grateful I was for her sacrifices and how even though I could no longer get the fanciest clothes and shoes because money was tight I didn’t care as much as my fits led her to believe.

When I got married she was by my side through every decision and put more into my wedding than I ever imagined. She knew how deeply in love I was, and she almost single-handedly created the most beautiful day of my life. Her devotion to me has always been strong. Though we may not always see eye to eye (and may fight like cats and dogs when we don’t), there’s never a day I’ve doubted her love for me. My Mom is a strong woman that will rarely budge if she has an opinion, but I admire her for that because through that I have learned strength, and through that strength I’ve been able to conquer many goals.

Last year my marriage suffered the toughest trials I’ve faced to date. My husband and I separated for awhile and during our separation I lost my way, I lost my faith and I lost all that I had worked so hard to become. For the first time in my life my Mom strayed from my side, and I felt very alone. She hadn’t always agreed with my decisions but never had she disagreed to the point that she would abandon me when I needed her. This was very hard for me, and at first I was full of anger towards her and didn’t understand how she could just leave my heart when I needed her so. Now I know that I needed my time apart, my time away from everyone in order to find my path once again. God paved a road before me and I had a choice to turn left or turn right. I spent many days in prayer and solitude and soon the feelings of aloneness lifted. I found God once again and accepted him into my heart, into my life, and into my soul. I realized that my Mom had never left me but that this was the time that God had set aside for me to spend on myself. Over the course of the months since my husband and I reconciled there have been road blocks with my Mom, and I’m still not always sure where she stands, but when I needed her she welcomed me into her home and nurtured me back to health. She was stern and she was firm, but in many respects she was right.

So, as you can see, my Mom has played many roles throughout my life, and this is but a glimpse of some of the roles she has played. She has been a mentor, a teacher, a friend, and a foe, but always she has been my Mom, and I love her just as much as she loves me. I don’t always agree with every choice that she makes; at times I think I worry and care too much, but I want her to be blessed with all of the happiness and health in the world. Over the years we have become so much more than mother and daughter; she is also one of my very best friends. I look to her for advice, and at times when I don’t she gives it to me anyway. She makes me smile; together we’ve shared pain and sorrow, happiness and joys, tears and laughter. She has taught me the value of family and showed me how life can be the most amazing journey we’ll ever have. She is a dedicated wife, a loving Grammy, and, to me, an award-winning Mom.

I believe there is no greater gift from our heavenly Father than that of the love from a Mother. I was blessed with a beautiful family whom I hold very dear to my heart, and my devotion and love for them is very strong. My Mom is the one who keeps our love for one another exciting and ever changing. My only wish and prayer is that she would find all of these qualities within herself and realize what an amazing spirit she has. My life is full of amazing spirits, but never has anyone touched my heart the way my Mom does on a daily basis. I pray that God fills her with love, protects her with light, and comforts her life for many years to come. To sum up what my Mom truly means to me can be done with one simple word: love. The love God blesses a Mother with is a love like no other, and the love he places within our hearts for our Mothers is a pure unconditional love that can never be broken.

I dedicate this to my Mom -- my friend, my hero, the “Wind beneath My Wings”.

© 2004 Amanda Titus